Hello.
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

*If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
*If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
*If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
*If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
 Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
*If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
* If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press.  No one will answer.