ON METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in
the head like this before.

ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown
with great force. -- Dorothy Parker

ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.

ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to
drink.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.  -- Abraham Maslow

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON YOUTH
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
     -- Steven King, 3/8/90

ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
     -- English Professor, Ohio University

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the
occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATION
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
     -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
their C programs."  --  Robert Firth

ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.

ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If you
buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back
and demand a refund?

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley:  LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.