Q:  How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Six.  One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to
    relate to the experience.

Q:  How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Two.  One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

Q:  How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q:  How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  That's a hardware problem.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will
    probably fall down.

Q:  How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None.  That's a software problem.
A': None.  They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as
    a feature.

Q:  How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him
    to get it done.

Q:  How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None:  Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

Q:  How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None:  A Real Woman would have plenty of Real Men around
    to do it.

Q:  How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  ("That's all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...")

Q:  How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Only two, but the hard part is getting them in there.

Q:  How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None:  The light bulb contains the seeds of its own
    revolution.

Q:  How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Nobody knows.  Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

Q:  How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  That's not funny!

Q:  How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Both of them.

Q:  How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  A tree in a golden forest.

Q:  Wait, _how_ many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.

Q:  No, no, _how_ many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  One to change and one not to change is fake Zen.  The
       true Zen answer is Four.  One to change the bulb.

Q:  How many Talmudic scholars does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:  Some say 7, some say 2, ....

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the
    bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q:  How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

Q:  What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A:  You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q:  How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain
       how to do it.

Q:  How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  It turned itself in.

Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  How many can you afford?

Q:  How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  The entire team!  And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q:  How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

Q:  How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  6:  2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was
    lit from the moment they began screwing.

Q:  How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Five:  One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer
    until the room spins.

Q:  How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Just one.  He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to
    revolve around him.

Q:  How many necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.

Q:  How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Oh wow, is it like dark, man?

Q:  How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take
    to change a light bulb?
A:  7.  Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light
    bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk
    will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead.  Scotty, after
    checking around, notices that they have no more new light
    bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend
    to his engines.  Kirk must make an emergency stop at the
    next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light
    bulb from the natives.  Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red
    shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers
    are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the
    landing party is captured.  Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty
    notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of
    orbit to escape detection.  Bones cures the native king who
    is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party
    is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry.
    Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
    planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al.  The new bulb is
    inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year
    mission.

Q:  How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  All of them.

Q:  How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other
    to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q:  How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it
    take to change a light bulb?
A:  Two.  One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control
    the means of production!

Q:  How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Three.  One to curse the darkness, one to light a
    candle, and one to change the bulb.